Let’s all get ready

Here at Carson we just love our administrators. They’re famous for trying way too hard. Today was a perfect example.

Our motto/slogan/catchphrase/whatever-the-hell-you-wanna-call-it is Readiness, Respectfulness, and something else that starts with R. Judging by my fellow classmates, I’m guessing it’s Retardedness. And they’ve done a pretty good job of promoting retardedness, but not so much for the other two. You’d think that’d be a good thing, but noooooooo.

So all this week, in the spirit of RCTV, we’ve had to sit through painfully horrible and cheesy “skits” extolling the virtues of having your pencil, your DAB, your homework, your live piranhas, etc.

WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU WHEN YOU’RE NOT READY, ACCORDING TO RCTV:

  • You fail the class
  • You lose all your friends
  • You become hated by everyone
  • You lose several major organs
  • You are tarred and feathered
  • You are immediately expelled and must work at McDonalds
  • You are forced to play the Happy Intestines Game with some Australian Aboriginals
  • You die

WHAT REALLY HAPPENS

  • You go back and get the stuff

So if that wasn’t bad enough, today in LS they decided to make us MAKE OUR OWN DAMN SKITS. And we can’t just say “Be ready, you dolts,” because then we “lose points for creativity.” 

My group was with this one girl, this other girl, and that one other person. I don’t know their names. But This One Girl was the teacher, I was the ready student (because I am a Good Asian), and This Other Girl and That One Other Person were the other students in the class.

SCRIPT:

TEACHER: Welcome, class! Welcome to LS!

ME: I have my pencil! And my DAB! (Which I gave away to someone in September!) And my homework! And my book! And my live piranhas!

TEACHER: Good for you!

THIS OTHER GIRL: Wow! He’s so prepared! He’s so cool for being ready!

THAT ONE OTHER PERSON: I know, right? Being ready is so hot and sexy- I just wanna make out with him right now!

(I wish.)


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About Zeal An

I'm a high schooler living in the 'burbs of Fairfax, Virginia. I blog to vent my anger. Please enlighten yourself at your own convenience.
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