This post brought to you by the letter R

Today we had a few people from the Best Buddies program come and talk to us about a campaign called “Spread the Word to End the Word.” Basically they’re campaigning to stop usage of the word “retarded” because it’s offensive to those with developmental disabilities.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I fricking love the message they’re trying to spread. But you guys know the drill by now. It’s not the message they’re getting across, but how they’re conveying it. (RCTV, take note.)

When we were dragged down to the lecture hall arrived for the presentation, they had the song “Let’s Get It Started” by the Black Eyed Peas. I actually kinda like that song. Although I had no idea it was originally called “Let’s Get Retarded”. You learn something new every day.

Whenever we’re dragged down to an assembly and they have a popular song playing, that always comes across as a desperate attempt to come off as cool. Kind of like taping ice cubes to your body.

And then there was her. By “her” I am referring, of course, to the slightly insane bleached-hair woman dressed in all white with a British accent. She got everyone settled down, which took a shorter amount of time than it takes for Edward to eat rice, because this woman knows how to PROJECT. She makes Mr. Colgan sound like a mouse fart in comparison.

So then all the good folks from Oakton gave their talk about how using the “R-word” is offensive, and how we should avoid using it, and pledging to never say it again, and blah blah blah, inspiration inspiration, et cetera. Nothing against them, but they could learn a thing or two from Ben Mikaelsen. Like they had actual printed sheets of paper to tell them what to say. And they STILL messed up.

It would actually be relatively good… if Slightly Insane Bleached-Hair Woman Dressed In All White With A British Accent didn’t pipe in with her opinion every five seconds.

Oakton people: And so this is why you should stop using the R-word- it’s offensive to those with developmental-

Slightly Insane Bleached-Hair Woman Dressed In All White With A British Accent: YES!

OP: It’s offensive to those-

SIB-HWDIAWWABA: Go on!

OP: It-

SIB-HWDIAWWABA: [in her projecting voice] YOU SHOULD ALL BE LISTENING TO THIS THIS IS GOOD INFORMATION!

OP: ಠ_ಠ

Then they showed us the video. They made a cutesy little Windows Movie Maker video about why we shouldn’t use the word (because apparently we had forgotten within approximately two and a half minutes), as well as a slideshow of a bunch of happy photos of them smiling with the Best Buddies people.

It would’ve been pretty good for Windows Movie Maker, if they hadn’t used the worst font ever since Comic Sans.

So then they made us all sign a giant banner pledging to never use the R-word, which I gladly did. If you didn’t, shame on you. But I do think the banner was kind of a waste of paper, considering it’ll probably be in the recycle bin within two weeks. Are they gonna keep it just in case one of us accidentally lets it slip?

Lawyer: May the jury direct their attention to Exhibit A- a banner with Edward’s name on it proving he pledged to never use the R-word again- but then did.

Jury: We find the defendant guilty of three counts of using the R-word.

Judge: I sentence you to perform an informational skit live on RCTV.

And then there’s the motto. “The new R-word is RESPECT!”

Does that imply that it’s one of those replacement words? You could call someone a respect when they tripped in the hall or something. And imagine what it would do to the BEP song:

♫ Let’s get respected in ha ♫
♫ Let’s get respected in here ♫

Actually, that wouldn’t be a bad song for Edward to sing on RCTV.