Ugh. So remember that time when I made a two-part series on why I didn’t want to go to TJ? And then I described the hellish experience of taking the TJ test?
Goddamnit, I got accepted. I’m a semifinalist.
For all of you non-Asians out there, you basically have three things to do once you’re a semifinalist. The first thing, and I’m fairly certain this is a requirement, is to laugh at the people who are pissed that they didn’t make it in and rub it in so they slide into depression, requiring heavy medication. If you didn’t make it, HA HA HA HA HA YOU SUCK. There. That takes care of that.
The second requirement is to fill out an SIS, which stands for “Student Information Sheet”. It’s basically where you answer some questions and make yourself sound amazing and wonderful. Here’s an example from mine so you can see what kind of BS people write:
My greatest accomplishment over the past two years has been running my blog. I started it on a whim with a friend early in 7th grade. I began regularly posting commentary about my school experiences. Over time it has grown to include more than 50 regular readers and over 10,000 views. I feel like I have exposed a different side of my school’s opinions; around administrators I have noticed that many people tend to be “yes-men” in saying exactly what the administrator would like to hear. By blogging, I can freely express my opinions, and in turn cause others to feel like they can do the same. In eighth grade I even recruited two more of my friends to serve as guest writers. I have been blogging for two years now, and I do not plan to stop anytime soon.
See what I mean? It’s basically a bunch of fluff that sounds fantastic but really doesn’t say crap. Kind of like every speech ever made by Obama.
Note especially the part in bold. I added that in because it made it sound like this site is more important than it actually is. I mean, when’s the last time you’ve noticed a change in your thinking because you read some crappy blog by an Asian eighth-grader? As far as I know, most people come so they can procrastinate. Which, in my opinion, is much more important.
The third step is the worst. You have to get two teachers to fill out a teacher recommendation form. Which is not that hard in theory, but you have to consider that I’m only one of about a hundred other students trying to get a teacher to write recommendations. So what they end up doing is writing up little “questionnaires”. That’s what they call them, but really they’re just extra SIS’s in the hopes of discouraging kids from asking them to do more work. So I wrote my two “questionnaires” and gave one to Mrs. Sky and one to Mr. Shah. Mr. Shah must’ve gotten a whole truckload of requests, because he had to take an entire damn day off just to get them all knocked out. Ouch.
I propose we make it easier for our teachers by making a Mad Libs for them. Here’s what I came up with:
(student name) is a (synonym for “good”) student because (he/she) is (adjective), (adjective), and perhaps most importantly, (adjective). Every day without fail (name) is always a (euphemism for “suck-up”) and displays a positive attitude and passion for learning. The academics at (school name) are most (synonym for “hard”), and (name) fulfilled all the requirements with the added challenge of (something challenging). (name) is an (synonym for good) (skill that TJ just eats up). (He/she) has won many awards on the (Asian club), and qualified for national tournaments. Success in these interscholastic activities requires extensive (grab some random words from the TJ site) . (name) also holds the (award name), as a member of (other Asian club). Simply put, (name) is a (synonym for “good”), and I believe TJ offers (him/her) the best chance of continuing her education and not working at McDonald’s.
Teachers, if you’re reading this, you’re welcome.
If you’d like, fill in my Mad Libs with the most dirty, inappropriate, nasty, you-gonna-get-yo-ass-suspended things you can think of and you could get featured in my next post about TJ!
